Shattered Lives
by Shadow Haloed Angel
Summary: KioRitsuka, can the void in their lives left after Soubi's death bring these two lost souls together? Warning: Character death nah, really! which I feel very bad about. But it IS the only way I can see this pairing working.
1. Graveside Meeting

Ritsuka stood there, fists clenched, it couldn't be true, it just couldn't. It couldn't have happened, not again. He couldn't be standing here by another fresh-filled grave. The rain poured down and he didn't notice. It dripped from his suddenly soaking hair and sodden kitten ears he had been planning to lose to the man he had lived with. The man in the grave.

It had only taken an instant, a hesitation on both their parts. The battle had been hard, harder than any they had ever fought. They had both taken damage, he and Soubi. His fighter had taken more than his fair share of the restraints as ever. He had been weak. Soubi had taken more damage, more pain than he had but he had called him, distracted him, broken his concentration. In that split-second, the other team had struck.

He had fallen, the indigo eyes flashing open in surprise, the platinum blond hair flowing out behind him as he landed with a soft grunt of expelled air. He had screamed, they had forfeited the battle, he had crouched by his faithful fighter's side.

It was too late.

He had arranged the funeral, the burial, all in a daze. Nothing had seemed real. Now he could feel. He collapsed back to his knees, just like he had by Soubi's side.

His knees were coated in mud from the dewy rain and soil from the grave. He knelt there, frozen, unable to move, unable to cry, wanting to stay forever. He had nowhere to go, no-one to care.

He had stayed there for hours, trying to pretend that it wasn't true, it hadn't happened. He was soaked, shivering but not noticing. It wasn't as cold here as in the grave.

The first time he moved after falling to his knees was to jump, then hang his head, resigned as hands settled on his shoulders. He had no-one to protect him anymore. Maybe they would kill him. He hoped so. He could be with his fighter again, the best fighter in the world, and beg for forgiveness.

Kio looked sadly down at the little kid who had meant so much to his best friend. He was soaking, knelt by the graveside like a statue, one of the concrete angels dotted throughout the cemetery.

Ritsuka's eyes closed with the dreadful certainty of what was about to happen and he waited. But nothing happened. He eventually found the strength to raise his head and turn agony-filled eyes on the man behind him.

Kio felt his own eyes fill with tears at the utter desperation and the pain and grief in the child's eyes. No-one should have to suffer that, least of all one so young. Sure, he wasn't the traumatised twelve-year-old Soubi had first introduced him to, but sixteen was still too young and the little brat had had it happen twice. This time he hadn't just lost his best friend, his lover, but also the last link to the older brother who had been his world until he had died when this kid was ten.

He rested a hand on the other's shoulder, it didn't feel right to intrude on his private grief more than that. His protective walls were up again, the walls Soubi had spent years breaking down, the walls he had been the only one able to get inside. Ritsuka seemed to be emanating his desire to have no physical contact, to be left to grieve alone, but still Kio kept his hand on his shoulder. He needed to comfort him, needed comfort himself and he had to hope that, maybe, his link with Soubi would permit him to reach, even slightly, this lost soul who had no-one left in the world to care for him.

Ritsuka looked up at him but did not pull away, a brief flash of pained gratitude in his eyes before he turned back to stare at the grave. Kio too stared and mourned silently. He couldn't fall apart. He and the kid had each other; there was nothing else for them anymore.

They didn't move for hours, and it was Kio who finally broke the silence.

"Come on kid, let's go home…"

Ritsuka's head jerked round, eyes wide, panicked, confused.

"Wha- what?" he croaked. Kio smiled sadly in spite of himself.

"Home."

"But…"

"Come on… you can stay… I won't… won't kick you out just because…" he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence, to utter the dreadful truth.

"Because Soubi's dead." Ritsuka finished, face stony, eyes dead, voice cracking. Kio fought back his own tears, bit his lip and nodded. Ritsuka too nodded, just once, a short sharp movement of grudging assent and struggled up, clinging to Kio's shoulders as the knees he had been resting on for hours gave way in protest at suddenly having to stand. Kio caught him, hands on his ribs just under his arms, glad of the distraction.

"Easy kiddo… I've got you…"

Ritsuka pushed him away, eyes flashing.

"My name" he glared "is Ritsuka."

Kio nodded, fighting to keep his face calm.

"Ritsuka." He said quietly "Just because Soubi's gone, doesn't mean there's no-one to catch you when you fall."


	2. Sleeping Alone

The return to the small, lonely apartment was conducted in silence. They didn't hurry to get back there - it was empty now, cold. Kio frowned as the thought struck him.

"Kiddo…I mean…" he looked at the younger man "Ritsuka… where have you been staying?" he hadn't seen him around, knew he didn't have any family, or at least, none who wanted him. The kid turned sullen eyes on him; they were dark, contrasting starkly against his pale skin. He spoke quietly.

"Here." A one-word answer, no elaboration. Communication was obviously not high on his list of things to do.

"Really?" Kio frowned slightly "Where here?"

Ritsuka blinked at him for a moment, then, evidently deciding to tell the truth he pushed open the door to the room he and Soubi had shared.

The bed was messy but unchanged, undisturbed from how they had left it that day, laughing, flirting and happy. The one difference to the room was the single, small crumpled sheet at the bottom of the bed where there was a small hollow in the mattress. Kio frowned. Ritsuka's eyes seemed to glow with a strange light as he smiled strangely and explained.

"I curl up here…" he gestured at the dent. "I know it's Soubi's side of the bed. I sleep at his feet. He tried to sleep at mine a few times, now it's my turn. I need to make it up to him.

Kio frowned, pained "…you don't need to make anything up to him…" Ritsuka's eyes flicked down to the ground and he stared at the floor, not replying. Kio sighed and walked over to him, moving shyly towards him. The boy stood there, awkward, tense and Kio wrapped his arms around him.

"I promise Ritsuka…he…" Kio paused, taking a deep breath "he loved you. More than anything. You don't have to make anything up to him…"

Ritsuka stared up at him, eyes wide, pained, confused. Kio loosened his hold and tried to move away. Ritsuka's mouth fell open and a little whimper escaped him. He threw himself at Kio and clung to him tightly. Kio blinked and wrapped his arms back around the frail, shaking body. He said nothing, didn't need to. He was half expecting his shirt to be dampened by the tears he was sure would be shed, but nothing happened.

Ritsuka clung to him, gasping in breath, the pain too great, too heavy, too knotted up for tears. Kio tried to ease the shuddering breaths, calm the agitation. Eventually he was still, exhausted, the dark eyes flickered shut and the breathing settled. Kio pulled away a little, looking down. A small smile crept across his lips. The kid was asleep. Poor thing. He could only imagine how much he must be hurting. Maybe the sleep would help him, heal him a little. He lifted him gently onto the bed, frowning a little. He may be thin, but surely a sixteen-year-old should weigh more than this.

Ritsuka curled up into the small space he slept in, still clutching Kio's hand like a lifeline. The elder smiled sadly and stroked his cheek gently. He was so sweet, so innocent. He could understand why Soubi had loved him.


	3. Routine

They fell into a dull routine, very few changes from how it had been before. Kio walked the kid to school in the mornings and then went to the studio, ensuring that he was out in time to meet Ritsuka coming out from school again. He never went up to the school gate though – that had been Soubi's province and he didn't want to raise the ghost they were struggling to lay to rest by provoking awkward questions.

After school they walked together to the cemetery, visiting the grave. Kio's animated chatter slowly quieted as they drew closer and they tended the grave in companionable silence. It was always Kio who decided it was time to leave and Ritsuka would just nod, once, in emotionless acquiescence. Once they left the graveside he didn't look back, never looked back. He didn't cry there anymore, but Kio knew him well enough now to see that the pain was still there, lurking beneath the surface.

Ritsuka cooked their dinner in the evenings, making the dishes Soubi had cooked for him, eating what he wanted, what he craved. What he missed. At first Kio had been suspicious of the healthy meals but soon they were both accustomed to the silent ritual resulting in enough food to sustain them through another day.

Ritsuka still slept curled at the end of the bed he and Soubi had once shared, despite Kio's best attempts to dissuade him from it. It wasn't good for him, he was sure of it. It had been about six weeks now and Kio was curling up on the sofa under a sheet in an old t-shirt, ready to go to sleep.

Ritsuka had disappeared, ostensibly to bed, about an hour before. It was now eleven o'clock. He sighed as he settled down and gave his customary last look at the perpetually-closed bedroom door. It was open. He sat up slightly, blinking through his glasses. The kid was standing in the doorway, a gaunt, pale figure staring down at him with big, dark eyes.

"Ritsuka?" he asked quietly. The boy shifted uncomfortably, embarrassed.

"Kio…" he whispered quietly, biting his lip. Kio frowned, making as if to sit up.

"What's up?" Ritsuka just walked over, standing shyly next to him.

"I'm...umm… I'm a little cold…" he flushed slightly, the blood staining his cheeks like red wine on pale cloth "Can… can I come in with you… please?"

Kio smiled and nodded, pulling back the sheet. The boy lowered himself awkwardly to the sofa, sitting down, then lying on his side, curling up into the other man.

Kio wrapped his arms gently around him, chest pressed against his back, stroking some unruly strands of black hair from the once-more pale cheek. Small hands wrapped around Kio's wrists, clinging to him as the young man finally calmed enough to sleep. Kio rested his forehead against Ritsuka's back and, smiling, allowed himself to drift off too.


	4. Lessons and A Vision

Nothing was ever said about that night. When they had woken up in the morning they had said nothing, when the boy had climbed out of Kio's arms, Kio had said nothing and made no effort to keep him there. They may be closer than before, but he knew he could not expect the walls to fall. Need was a powerful force and there was no-one else. If he wanted the boy to trust him, he would have to prove himself again and again, have to be reliable, responsible, be there for him. No other way. No other way to help him and maybe, just maybe, help himself.

They still didn't talk much, the few words, the necessary words. Try as he might, Kio could not persuade the kid to open up.

One day, a few weeks later, Kio met the boy from school and he spoke. This was a break n their silent routine.

"Kio, will you teach me to paint?" Kio blinked, honoured to be asked.

"Yes, of course… when- when would you like to start?"

Ritsuka paused in thought for a moment. He just wanted to paint, wanted to learn. Soubi had promised to teach him, now Soubi wasn't there anymore and he felt he owed it to him.

That night, after the plates had been cleared away, Kio lugged out a big canvas and his paints and brushes. He gestured for Ritsuka to come over to him. Ritsuka walked over to kneel with the green-haired man on the floor. He reached for a brush, only to feel Kio's hand close on his wrist to stop him. Ritsuka looked up, confused.

"No."

"But…"

"No…" Kio smiled "not yet." Ritsuka pouted and Kio handed him a block of paper and a pencil.

"Sketch first."

"but…I can't draw…"

Kio smiled. "If you can't draw, you can't paint. Draw first, something you can see, something you WANT to draw."

Kio sat there, painting happily and Ritsuka watched. It was oddly comforting in a way, it reminded him of Soubi. Where the green-haired man knelt now, he could see the blonde kneeling there, platinum tresses falling untidily around the scrappy horse-tail cascading down his back. He looked relaxed, happy, head turning towards Ritsuka. The indigo eyes glared. Ritsuka shook himself, eyes filling with tears as the memory dissipated.

Kio was there again, face serious, intent as he worked with undeniable skill, expert fingers dancing, choosing tools, blending colours. In some way he was at the same time both more childish and more mature than Ritsuka had ever seen him before. The joy and pleasure at the activity was child-like and touching, but the seriousness and deliberation of the actions were those of a true artist, it was wonderful to watch.

Ritsuka had found his inspiration, another failed drawing of his fighter was ripped off and scrunched into a ball. His eyes hurt, his fingers hurt, but still Kio worked and so did Ritsuka. He picked up the pencil again and began a new sketch. This time the figure had short hair and decorated ears.

When Kio finally finished, he looked up from the now covered canvas to see Ritsuka bent feverishly over the sketch pad.

"Kid?" he called softly, knowing what it was like to have to get something down, when something was going right and the wonderful freedom of something working as it was supposed to.

Ritsuka didn't answer and Kio got up, walking silently over to him, reaching around from behind to take the pad. He froze. He hadn't really given much thought to what the kid was drawing, but that… he had never expected that… an image that was by no means perfect, but which was definitely recognisable. Himself, bent over a canvas, painting. A lump rose to his throat and he croaked.

"Come on kid, bedtime…" of course Ritsuka instantly obeyed, putting down the pad and pencil and making for the bedroom. As he disappeared, he shot Kio a pleading look. Kio froze again. The kid hadn't looked that desperate since they had first met at the graveside. But this time there had been something else. Almost…gratitude?


	5. Interlude: Kio

AN: First of all I would like to thank those of you who have added this story to alert, favourite it, or taken the time to review it. I am sorry this update has taken so long, but I had internet issues for about six weeks, which were resolved about two weeks ago and I have had no ideas for the continuation of this story. These next two chapters will be interludes of a sort – the characters thoughts on their burgeoning relationship. There will be little or no action. I crave your forgiveness and hope you continue to enjoy and read! Thank you for your patience!

Kio sat in deep thought, staring at the empty canvas in front of him. It seemed like no time had passed, but equally like months had flown past since he had found the boy weeping at Soubi's graveside; since that kitten-eared boy had entered his life more comprehensively than he had ever done so before.

He still questioned his motives for taking the boy in. He had thought it was just because it was what Soubi would have wanted – the boy had been Soubi's life and Kio could not in all conscience leave him to die. Equally he had known there was nothing and no-one for this boy – he could not leave a sixteen year old alone in the world. However, this did not seem to him like enough of a motive for effectively adopting this boy.

He was not quite sure what he felt towards him. At first he had been prejudiced because of the way his older brother had put Soubi through hell. Ritsuka had never done anything like that, and when Soubi had finally moved him in, the boy had been quiet and polite enough to the other man. There had been something special there, something more than he understood.

The kisses had had an extra depth of feeling, of urgency of necessity, but they had always been love-filled, not dominating, demanding and spirit-crushing like those all-too public ones Seimei had forced upon the unsuspecting and compliant blonde's lips. Their relationship was dangerous. He had to admit he had been impressed by Soubi's restraint – the kid still had his ears. He felt his heart rise in his throat – had they been planning for that? It had, after all, been almost the kid's birthday, he was legal now, they were close... oh the poor child.

It was not an easy decision, a big step, trusting and important. Then to have the one you loved, the one with whom you had been planning that ripped away from you. Kio felt close to tears again.

He had not cried since Soubi's never-adequately-explained death, but now... and it wasn't even his friend he was crying for, just this stupid kid.

That was a point, how had Soubi died? He had assumed it was something to do with those injuries he always came home with. He had never understood their source – it had been simple enough when Seimei was alive; any wound Soubi had would have at least something to do with that black-haired teenager. Since Ritsuka though... the wounds directly from abuse had pretty much disappeared, but still he would come home with unexplained injuries. If that kid had done anything to Soubi, Kio would throw him out quicker than lightning.

He made a mental note to ask Ritsuka what had happened – the kid had apparently been with him when he died after all. He hadn't spoken at the funeral, he had been too upset. Like a ghost. He still was. There had been no evidence of tears on his cheeks, but he had looked broken. The congregation had been small: A tall man who someone had addressed as Ritsu; the two boys – Natsuo and Youji who Soubi had looked after, they had spoken to Ritsuka afterwards, trying to offer comfort, saying something about revenge - He hadn't listened – he hadn't understood; Their art class, Kio, and that Aoyagi kid. He struggled to think of him like that now, it was Ritsuka, and the kid had made that clear.

He sighed and tried to force his wandering mind back to his work.


	6. Interlude: Ritsuka

Ritsuka lay on his front on the bed, staring at the pile of homework lying on the floor behind the door. He did not have the energy to do it, barely had any energy at all these days. Soubi would never have let this happen, would never have let him get away with it. But Soubi was gone. It was his fault, and Soubi was gone.

He thought sometimes of joining him, but somehow Kio always broke into those moments and distracted his attention so that by the time he had the chance to return to those thoughts he no longer felt the inclination, felt almost alive again.

Before he had met him at the graveside on that terrible day, Ritsuka had had no strong feelings about Kio either way. He was just a slightly-annoying, overly-cheerful character in the background that clowned around and tried to flirt with Soubi who would rebuff him coolly every time.

In these last few weeks and months Ritsuka had come to realise that there was so much more to Kio than originally met the eye. He was caring, human, creative – talented. It was obvious quite how strong his feelings towards Soubi had been, it was also evident that those feelings had stretched purely to brotherly love and protectiveness. Ritsuka smiled sadly. Soubi had had people to love him; the only person Ritsuka had had was gone.

Was it true that Soubi was the only person? Kio was still looking after him after all, and Ritsuka had to admit that he liked the green-haired man. He had never thought that would really be the case, but he was so kind. When it all got too much, Ritsuka knew it was ok to go to him, though it had taken him long enough to come to terms with going to Soubi. The fact that this man had been so close to Soubi somehow made it easier.

Somehow, when he was with Kio, the clouds blighting his life seemed to part a little, he could stumble along in the lightened mist with someone holding his hand, rather than being lost in the fog like he had been without his fighter. Maybe he could continue stumbling thought life without having to think about Soubi's death. The weight lay heavy on his chest when the two words went through his mind, he felt like he couldn't breathe. It was his fault.


	7. Parent's Evening

Kio shifted uncomfortably and straightened his tie in the mirror. He was going out tonight.

Not to anywhere interesting, not, for example, on a date, or even to FIND a date. No. He was going to a school. Ritsuka-kun's school. For parent's evening. He knew that the only reason the kid had invited him was that someone had to go and there was no-one else, but even so he still felt slightly flattered that he had been asked.

That was why he was in this ridiculous getup. He was sure that Soubi wouldn't have worn a suit, but even so, he wanted to make a good impression, and from what Soubi had told him of Ritsuka-kun's teacher, the woman had been more than a little fond of Soubi. Which made life even more difficult for Kio. Though it had to be said that now Ritsuka was sixteen there was very little she could do.

They approached the school, Ritsuka a few paces in front of the other man, but not so much that the gulf between them was gigantic. Kio waited to meet Ritsuka's teacher.

Shinonome-sensei sighed and wiped her brow. She hated parent's evenings, she was so painfully shy and nobody took her seriously because she still bore her ears and tail. Ah well, it was nearly over. She called the next student's name.

"Aoyagi Ritsuka?"

Kio stepped forward nervously, blushing and clearing his throat. Shinonome looked up, jumping.

"Who are you?! Where is Soubi-san?"

Ritsuka looked down and glared at the floor, normally pale cheeks going red, and Kio felt his heart twist. Unfortunately there was nobody else here to explain, it was just him and the kid and he was the elder. The responsible one.

"I am afraid Souchan died a few months ago. I am Kaido Kio. I was Souchan's friend and I am looking after Ritsuka at the moment."

Shinonome-sensei blushed, feeling awful. This was not a brilliant opening to the appointment.

"I-... I am very sorry to hear that... please accept my most sincere apologies... Ritsuka-kun had not informed me..." she stammered, then cleared her throat, shook his hand and sat down.

"It is most good of you to come Kio-kun. Ritsuka-kun is most definitely one of the top pupils in the class. He gives me no cause for concern academically, and although I did previously have concerns about him socially he seems to have two very good friends in Yuiiko and Yayoi..."

She continued for a while, not mentioning the abuse that had dogged Ritsuka until two years previously, then, when the appointment was over and all that needed to be said had been said, she stood up, shook the hands of both men and called the next pupil.

Ritsuka was blushing slightly as they left and Kio could not help but smile. So the kid did get embarrassed by things other than jokes about ears. He placed a gentle hand on Ritsuka's shoulder.

"Come on Ritsuka, I'll take you out to dinner as a reward for such a good report..." Ritsuka blinked, then smiled shyly.


	8. Truth

That night, as they sat eating, Kio found his mind again wandering back to Soubi and the manner of his death. He watched the boy before him eat, kitten ears hanging limp and downcast. Could he really bring himself to drag it up again when the boy was doing so well? But it was still unresolved and niggled at him. The boy had been there, had seen what had happened – he knew the truth. In some ways that was a reason not to ask – to drag up memories which were obviously traumatic for the ki-... for Ritsuka. He sighed and poked his food, not overly hungry for once.

Ritsuka looked up and frowned slightly.  
"Kio? Is everything alright?" his voice was quiet, the concern distant, but concern nonetheless. Never since they had first met had he seen the other not eat when presented with food.

Kio muttered a non-committal reply and finished his dinner.

Later on, when they were both getting ready for bed, Kio paused.  
"Ritsuka...will you tell me about Soubi's death? Will you tell me what happened?"

The boy turned as pale as the driven snow, contrasting starkly against his dark hair, but nodded, walking through to sit cross-legged on the bed he and Soubi had shared. He gestured for Kio to sit opposite him and, uneasily, the older man did so.

Ritsuka sighed, and, looking down, began before Kio could interrupt.

"There's a lot about the relationship between me and Soubi that you don't understand. I mean, our relationship was never simple, but..." he paused, gulped painfully, and continued.

"There is magic in this world Kio. A whole hidden world where words have terrible power and vicious battles are fought. People have their true names, but it isn't a unique name. The names are in pairs. Soubi's story will take a long time to explain, but I think you deserve to know it."

"The named pairs take the form of a fighter and a sacrifice. The fighter does the magic, but the sacrifice takes the damage, so the sacrifice controls the fighter and develops a strategy. Sometimes blank fighters – unnamed and unclaimed – are born. Soubi was a blank fighter. He was very harshly trained by his sensei – whipped, isolated, caused pain... his sensei took his ears, though he never disclosed to me what purpose that served. The training worked – Soubi became the best, and because pain had been part of his training he was a useful fighter to have because he could take some of the damage instead of the sacrifice."

"You may have wondered, undoubtedly did in fact, about the scars on Soubi's neck. Beloved was Seimei's name. He carved it to claim Soubi. When he 'died' he left Soubi to me. I am Loveless."

Here Ritsuka had to take another deep breath as sobs tried to choke him once more. He looked down, eyes closing as tears burned again.

"But Soubi wasn't a possession to me. He was... he was someone who cared for me, even if Seimei had ordered it. I could forget that, believe he truly loved me. He protected me, cared for me... I-... I loved him..."

Ritsuka broke down.

"I loved him and it was my fault he died..."

Kio wasn't sure what was going on, what he was saying, but whatever the case, Ritsuka needed help now. He moved to hug the smaller body and Ritsuka clung to him, sobbing helplessly.

"My fault, my fault..." he choked out.

Kio could neither deny nor confirm this, not understanding what had happened yet. His voice came out harsher than he intended when he demanded "What happened?" he bit his lip and added "Ritsuka..." trying to soften the accusatory note in his voice.

Ritsuka sniffled and sobbed but pulled himself together, regaining enough control to explain.

"We were always getting into fights... a v-... a vendetta against me by Seimei and his old enemies...both sides...we were fighting and it was hard, so hard...even Soubi couldn't protect me against all the damage, even taking some himself... I couldn't help it, they kept attacking and it hurt so much... I called his name... whenever I needed help before I just... he was all I had, all I knew... he looked... they cast... and-... and-..." he sobbed "they hit him... I distracted him and it hit him full-on and... it was my fault... I watched him fall... saw him die... my heart broke..."

"If I hadn't been so weak... so pathetic... he... I should have died, it should have been me... he had so much... he had you, all I had was him... I have nothing..."

Kio did not know what to say except for one thing.  
"no kid, it shouldn't have been you because if you had left Soubi alone again like your bastard brother... it would have been the end for both of you. I got him through last time because he fought to get to you, to follow 'orders'. Without you, he wouldn't have held on any longer."

He paused, reached for Ritsuka's hand and squeezed it, then spoke softly.  
"And...you... you don't have nothing...or am i useless to you?" he sighed, looking down and away, not wanting to see the other's face, knowing the kid could be crazy. But this commitment was not just for Soubi's memory, this commitment was for himself too.  
"Look kid... Ritsuka... you can have me if you want me... I'm nowhere near as good as Soubi , I know that, and I'm not trying to replace him, because no-one ever could... but I'll... I'll take care of you... if you want... look after you..." He looked up, nervous to see Ritsuka's face, half-wanting to know and half-dreading it.

Ritsuka stared at him, naked hope shining in his face. He nodded slowly, then threw himself at Kio, burying his head against the other's shoulder and nodding furiously. A half-sob caught in his throat.  
"yes..." he whispered. "Please Kio... yes..."


	9. Dauntless

The next week after the late-night confessional, Kio and Ritsuka were sitting in the park, Ritsuka talking to Natsuo and Youji.

"I told him..." he said dully, ears drooping. "I told him the truth, about me and Soubi... about fighters and sacrifices."

Youji grinned "What did he say?"

Ritsuka sighed and turned away slightly "He didn't believe me of course. Thinks I'm mad, unhinged by Soubi's death..."

Natsuo grinned and wrapped an arm around him "There's nothing wrong with being mad! As long as you aren't alone..."

"Yeah and you aren't alone, you've got us! And Kio..." Youji completed from his other side.

"LOVELESS!" A strident voice called, cutting across their conversation. Ritsuka jumped, half-turning to look around, seeing a pair of figures striding towards their little group. He knew immediately that they were there for him. This time though he had no Soubi to protect him. He could not fight, could not resist. This was the end.

The pair squared up to the three and Ritsuka stepped forward.

"I am Loveless. What do you want with me?"

"We are here to take you away." The other member of the pair replied, smirking, crimson hair flowing out behind him in the wind.

Youji stepped forward, Natsuo echoing his movement. They took a pace in front of Ritsuka, flanking him.

"You are here because you think he has no-one to defend him, but you're wrong. We won't let you take our friend away. We are Zero."

"And we declare a battle by wordspell." Natsuo finished.

"We accept." The raven-haired woman replied "We are Dauntless. We fear nothing and have courage. You puny children cannot hope to withstand our attacks."

Youji pouted "Hey! We are not children! We're sixteen!"

The crimson-haired man spat at them as if the words were venom "Constrict, rift, rend apart..."

Youji glared "Go on Natsuo..."

"Turn away from us, destroy yourself, scattered to the wind..."

"Destroy. Grass as emerald razors, hundred, thousand, ten thousand, SEVER!"

Youji flinched and Natsuo looked over in return but Youji flapped a hand, indicating him to continue.

"Rain washes away the grass, drops as acid burn your skin, stopping breath..." Natsuo retorted immediately.

The woman gasped softly, restraints binding her visibly.

"Defence!" Roared the crimson-haired man.

Ritsuka called "Youji! What you did to Soubi!" Youji turned to grin.

That wasn't spells, I did that myself..." Ritsuka glared and Youji stuck his tongue out and turned back.

"Blades pierce the hands, the feet, knocking you to the floor, blood pours forth flowing in crimson torrents to the ground..." Natsuo fired at them.

"DEFENCE! Winds rip away your attacks, freezing winds to steal the heat, to steal the very breath from your lungs!"

"Fire flicks over your limbs, the winds cannot touch us, warmed to gentle summer breezes... heat intense as a volcano, trapped in the heart of the flame, your veins turn to desert..."

The woman let out a terrible cry as she was bound completely from head to foot. The man bowed his head to silently acknowledge their defeat, picked her up and carried her away.

"DON'T EVER ATTACK RITSUKA AGAIN!" Youji called after them, hugging Natsuo close and kissing him.

Ritsuka hugged them both "Thank you. Well done Natsuo. Though Soubi beat you on his own once." He smiled in sad pride of a past achievement, a past trophy win.

"We know, that's why we wanted to get even better!" Youji explained simply, grinning.

Ritsuka smiled tightly, then slowly walked back to Kio who was sitting on a bench, eyes wide, mouth open.

"Still think I was making it up?" he asked, not looking at him, voice tight with pain.

Kio got up and hugged him tightly "No..."


	10. A Startling Development

AN: I fail at updating. I am so sorry! I just have been... the thing is I haven't been busy, I just haven't been thinking about it. Admittedly I have now been living with builders for 6 months now, and Ive been concentrating on rp-ing, but still. Here's an update. Back to school tomorrow effectively, so maybe even more updates now, it should focus my mind.

Ritsuka smiled at Kio across the table. "So now you really do know the truth about what happened with Soubi. I... I miss him."

Kio nodded "I know. So do I. But you weren't to blame. He loved you. He really did. He'll be waiting for you."

Ritsuka shrugged "I thought... when he died... I felt so empty... thought... I knew I was doomed without him, my only expectation was to be killed. Then... then you came along..."

Kio blinked, blushing slightly. Ritsuka sighed and continued trying to explain. "I... we had been so close to... We were so close." He finished lamely "I felt like I'd died anyway, but you touched my shoulder and suddenly... There was the faintest spark of life again. You've kept me going."

Kio shrugged "You gave me a reason to hang on kid..." Ritsuka didn't object to the name anymore, in an odd way it was like Kio had earned it.

Ritsuka smiled shyly at him "I know you didn't like me... but I always admired you... you're such an intensely moral person and I could tell that Soubi meant a lot to you. He needed someone like that."

Kio nodded. He wondered how he should broach the next subject.

Ritsuka reached up and tugged on his furry ears, feeling Kio's gaze rest on them. He coloured slightly and looked down "I always figure I'd have lost them by now. Somehow, ever since I met Soubi I just knew I would lose them to him. We'd been talking about it. For my birthday we were going to... I was going to show him how I heard it was supposed to be."

Kio flinched in sympathy "It's not an easy decision to make when they matter to you, and yours are magnificent. I will admit that I sort of wish I had taken more care over losing mine."

Ritsuka blinked "How did you lose yours then?"

Kio shrugged "I went to a party and when I woke up in the morning they weren't there anymore. I've narrowed it down to about four people."

Ritsuka blinked, then grinned and got up, walking round the table, tail waving slightly. He hugged Kio. "Thanks Kio...I know you were telling the truth, but you've made me feel better. I guess one day I will find someone who I want to give mine to."

Kio nodded "There will be someone. They won't be like Soubi and you shouldn't compare them to him, it's hard enough to do that, without having standards that high to meet."

Ritsuka nodded then frowned slightly "...were you trying to measure up to him?"

Kio shrugged "I never could..." it was time to change the subject. He went back to the question of the kid and Soubi's relationship. It put pressure on the kid, but Kio could cope with that. He just didn't want to think about himself. "how far did you get?" he grinned

Ritsuka blushed crimson and shrugged.

Kio's grin widened "Go on, tell me... first base? Second?"

Ritsuka blushed deeper, ears twitching a little in embarrassment. "We...umm..."

Kio quirked a mischievous eyebrow "Third?" Ritsuka squeaked indignantly.

Kio frowned "I know you kissed, I saw you..." Ritsuka shrugged

"Yeah, we did... it was nice... he's the only person I've ever kissed, sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to kiss someone else..."

Kio shrugged "You couldn't have with Soubi. It would have broken his heart." Ritsuka nodded.

"I know."

Kio looked away slightly "Was he a good kisser?"

Ritsuka shrugged "It's not like I have anyone to compare him to... but I think so...he... he always tasted of... " he gulped "of cigarettes..."

Kio sighed "I'd... I dreamed of kissing him... but I wouldn't have taken him away from you...and he wouldn't have anyway..."

Ritsuka paused "...maybe..." he blushed deeper "Maybe if I kiss you it'll be like him kissing you a little bit?"

Kio blushed deeper and blinked "If... I don't want to pressure you..."

Ritsuka shrugged "I... sorry, it was a stupid idea, I shouldn't have said anyth-"

Kio gently took his wrist and pulled the younger boy's head down to his level, kissing him gently.


	11. Confessions and Surprising Discoveries

In the next few weeks they didn't mention the kiss. They just continued as normal, occasionally conversing as and when they saw each other. Their meals were once again eaten in silence, however, these days the silence was easier than it had been before.

Kio was being consumed by guilt, he didn't know whether he'd taken advantage of the kid, he was sure he had betrayed Soubi's trust. One day he couldn't stand it any longer, and, as Ritsuka went past him on the way to school one morning, he grabbed the boy's arm, scared, wondering whether this was the right thing to do.

"Ritsuka, please... just a minute... I... I need to talk to you..."

Ritsuka blinked, but paused, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.

"Yeah?" he was the picture of a sullen teenager, but if Kio took the trouble to look in his eyes, he could see that inside the boy was as scared as he was.

"I'm sorry... I know I shouldn't have...I just..."

Ritsuka shrugged, unable to meet his eyes "It's fine, don't worry about it... we were both... emotionally vulnerable..."

Kio blushed "No... well.. yes... but..."

Ritsuka blinked "...there's a but?"

Kio sighed "Ritsuka... I long ago gave up the dream of Soubi kissing me... but when you offered... I didn't want him to kiss me anymore Ritsuka... I wanted you to... and you did and I thought my dream had come true... but then I realised I couldn't ask you to do that, couldn't ask you to forget him... I mean, I'd never ask you to forget him, because I sure as hell won't and... and I'm rambling aren't I..."

Ritsuka hid a smile, but blushed slightly and Kio's explanation of his true feelings. He held a finger up to the other's lips.

"Kio, I don't know if I'm ready for another relationship... I've barely even had one, but I think... if I ever have another... I like you Kio... and I think I like you as more than a friend... but can we take the time to see how it develops? Neither of us is quite ready for it yet I don't think..."

Kio gasped, unable to believe what Ritsuka was saying. "R-... Really?" he asked, past the other's slender finger.

Ritsuka blushed and nodded shyly. Kio's lips slowly curved up in a smile and he pressed a gentle kiss to Ritsuka's finger.

"Go on... go to school Ritsuka..."

Ritsuka grinned at him and waved as he walked out the door.


	12. Big Decisions

AN: Unless people ask for a continuation, and provide me with some guidance as to where they want this to go, I think this will be the last chapter, or possibly the penultimate one, of this fic. I have had great fun with this, and I am glad it has brought so much enjoyment to all of you. I never dreamed such a simple idea could pan out like this. Thank you all for your support, and I hope you continue to enjoy my writing. Please message me with any pairings you'd like to see, or how you might like to see this end/continue if you believe it has the momentum so to do. Thanks again, ~*Angel*~

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It was a few years before anything happened with their relationship. They just lived together in a harmonious partnership, providing mutual support, and something resembling friends with some small benefits. Ritsuka retained his ears through the last few years of high school, and, at his graduation, he and Kio had both cheered as Yuiiko and Yayoi finally kissed. He knew Soubi would have been happy for them, feeling it somehow in his heart, ad told Yuiiko so. She had blushed and kissed Ritsuka's cheek, then run off to spend more time with her new boyfriend.

Neither Ritsuka or Kio ever changed their tradition of walking down to the cemetary once a week to visit the grave of the friend who had meant so much to both of them, and, by his death, had brought them together. On the five year anniversary, together they planted a perennial bush of flowers, specially chosen to attract the most butterflies possible there, to give Soubi a bouquet of butterflies and a way to be free. Ritsuka could always feel his fighter with him, as if the memory had grown sharper, rather than dimmer with time, and he had a feeling that the bond they had shared meant they would never be completely separated. He could also sense that Soubi was happy for both he and Kio in the love they shared, and he didn't feel guilty about it.

After graduation, Kio took Ritsuka out to dinner and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek "I'm proud of you Ritsuka..." he whispered, and the kitten-eared young man blushed softly, ears twitching in happiness.

"Thank you... I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life... I've been thinking... maybe I should become an artist, like Soubi, only specialising in people... I'd like to do that I think... I've learned a lot from you..."

Kio blushed and squeezed his hand "I can't think of anything that would have made him happier..." he replied sincerely "And I also am incredibly honoured that you'd consider that an option."

They ate together in companionable silence, holding each other's hands under the table. As the candle burnt lower and Ritsuka finished his last bite and mopped his mouth, they shared a shy smile and a chaste kiss.

Ritsuka looked down for a moment, cheeks colouring, and cleared his throat. While he built up the courage to speak, Kio took the chance to admire the man the shy, awkward, moody boy had become. He was tall and built solidly, his stature had expanded and the hips which had once been so slender were now tapered to from wide shoulders. His hair was kept long-ish, but neatly trimmed back into a point at the back of the neck, brushing his shoulders. His skin was still pale, and his hair still black as ebony, contrasting starkly but matching his intense eyes, in which every emotion still showed, despite the boy's efforts to keep them guarded.

When Ritsuka cleared his throat again and Kio's eyes flicked back to focus on the young man.

"Kio... I.... there're a lot of things I need to say to you... some of which go back a few years..." he began awkwardly.

"I always found it hard to trust people. First Seimei, only Seimei, bu... he betrayed me. First by his death, then by the lies it turned out had surrounded it, and everything he did afterwards. Then Soubi, I trusted him with my life. And I cost him his. He never complained, and I know he wouldn't have minded. In some ways that made it worse. Then you... now I trust you. Soubi and I had talked a lot, made some agreements, some decisions. I was ready to trust him with-... with my ears, not just with everything else. But I never had that chance. Kio, I... I want to give them to you..."

Kio's eyes widened, hardly able to believe he was hearing this "Ritsuka-..." he began, but the other cut him off.

"I'm not a child anymore Kio, I'm a young man. I'm old enough. I know age doesn't necessarily count for much but... I was ready... and then that was taken away from me and it's taken me a long time to be ready again. But I am, and I'm sure I am. I'm sure I want to with you."

Kio just kissed him gently, silencing him. His hand came up, gently cupping the back of the other's skull and Ritsuka smiled into the kiss, correctly interpreting it as agreement.


	13. An Exhibition and An Ending

Years later Ritsuka could still remember that morning after, the morning Kio had held his hand as he watched his ears disappear in the mirror. Some people said that losing your ears was the biggest thing to happen in your life, but Ritsuka knew that what had made him who he had become had happened months before that. What had happened to make him who he had become had been watching his first love, his best friend, die.

He had never forgotten Soubi, neither of them had, nor had Yuiiko, Yayoi or Shinonome-sensei. That was why the three of them had special passes today, that was the reason they were going to see each other again.

Ritsuka lounged against the wall by the plush velvet rope, taking a deep breath and a pull from his cigarette.

He had done what he had decided to do so long before, he had become an artist, specialising in portraits, realistic portrayals of people carefully designed to give them an ethereal air. He painted them as if they were part of the world which so may were not privy to and could not dream existed. He had done well at it, and now had enough influence to have an exhibition of his own. He and Kio had worked very hard on this one, and both were exhibiting work here.

Yuiiko smiled and ran over, hugging Ritsuka tightly to her, smushing his head agaist her breasts as usual. He spluttered and flailed slightly, Yayoi smiled as he saw what was happening, and removed his wife from Ritsuka.

"It's been a while... We were kinda surprised to get your invitation..." the other man said, and Ritsuka shrugged. Where Yayoi was wearing a suit, Ritsuka was wearing black jeans and a black shirt, with the top few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up. He looked almost dangerous, almost seductive. They had to admit being an artist suited him.

Kio arrived and took Ritsuka's hand, smiling at the other two "Just Shinonome now, and then we're all ready..."

The last member of the group approached, greeting them with a shy bow and a smile. She was still teaching, and was still as loved by her pupils as always, and she had grown more confident since it had been them she was teaching. It was strange but nice to see them all again.

Ritsuka smiled "Greetings Sensei..." even though she hadn't taught him in so long he still afforded her the respect shown by that title. She blushed "good morning Ritsukakun... I am glad you found success in your career, even if it wasn't what I expected it to be... thank you for asking me here..."

Ritsuka smiled the crooked grin which had not changed since his childhood and put his hand on the door to the room with his work in. "I asked you here because f the theme of this exhibition... it's really personal, and it mattered to me that you were here..."

He pushed open the door and stood back for the three of them to enter.

They did so and gasped, looking around. Ritsuka had experimented with mediums he did not usually use in addition to his paintings and portraits. there was a large cloth painting hanging on the wall, covered in butterflies, with one word in twining vines upon it "Loveless..." if you looked carefully it was possible to see the flowers spell out Beloved, but the vines were only made to stand out more by their colour.

The portraits were of Soubi, serious, subservient, happy, distracted... there was one which was so clear it looked like it was a photograph. In it, Soubi stared out of the frame, eyes full of love. Ritsuka could not look at it without a lump forming in his throat. There were one or two sculptures too, but not too many as the room wasn't large.

As they looked around, Shinonome took the time to look at the flyer for the exhibit, and when she noticed the title, she understood "Loyalty and Love, an exhibition by Aoyagi Ritsuka"

Looking around this, the culmination of one journey and the beginning of another, RItsuka finally felt the last of the weight of guilt drift away. He looked up into Soubi's eyes in the painting opposite him and whispered, too softly for anyone to hear "I love you Soubi..."


End file.
